Lost.

2009-10-10T03:04:00.001-07:00

Wahhaha i can post whatever i want here =x People can't see it right? Anyways, i feel so lost now
la D: i miss the last time him. Why are we do distanced now. Im scared. It's happening again. I really don't want all this to happen a second time. Your the first person that i expericed that special feeling when i hold you hand. It tells me that your the one. Im scared that you'll leave me. Hias. I just wanna know why is he so cold towards me now. Am i very irritating? I do not want to experience the feeling of losing again. It really sucks like fuck. Your the first guy who treated me so well. Your the first guy i love so much that i needed to see you almost everyday. Without seeing you a day i feel so bu an xin. That day when we both had a little argument, i was so worried for you. I wannted to meet you to see if your finee but you were busy x.x so im fine with it:}. I wannted you to quit smoking because i wannted to do good for your health. It's not because i want to control you. Sometimes when you over shot 4 sticks, i don't feel angry rather i feel worried. Im worried because i don't want you to hurt ur health. Smoking is really harmful to the health. Anyways, i really do not know what to do now. You promised me that you will quit smoking for me. But ended up you told me that you really can't. I didn't force you to quit stright away. I was actually ok if you quit slowly. Hmm i really donnoe what to do. You said that i sometimes like to make de fustrated noise ok that i'll change. You say that i sometimes don't behave myself well outside and i don't care about what people think about me. But didn't i told you that even before we were together? I told you before when im hyper im scared that you'll not be able to take it cos i'll seriously go crazy. And i told you before i don't care about what others think about me didn't i? Im not blaming you. It's just that, i want to know what is happening to you. We promised each other if anything happened, we will talk nicely and solve it. But why arent we doing it now? That day when i smsed you that i hope you will promise me to not let little arguements affect our relationship, you actually didn't reply my message. It really dissapoints me. I know your not like that actually. I still love you for who you are seriously. But if you feel miserable with me i really don't mind being the scarfice. I can see that my mum knows that we are together aready and yet she didn't scold me or say anything about you which shows that she's ok with you. Im so happy i want to tell you the news but how? I sometimes want to message you again and again when you reply me for a long time as i was dam worried that something happened to you. Hmm i don't wan to say aready -o-. Making myself think more only.
I feel so lost now dam lost. I keep crying dam hard. Im dam scared that you will hate me. I feel so stressed now. Stupid jason still down there saying that he likes me. His so obsessed with me untill his finding girls who looks like me or a girl with around the same name with me. 7 month aready his still liking me. When i tell carrie, she still can come tell me say what its ok one can just talk to jason... I don't even want to talk to him. Stupid aldi another one keep irritating me. Everytime i got boyfriend and when me and my boyfriend abit drift, he will come ask me to call him to chat on the phone than keep asking if i'll wait for him. In the past i would usually call him to chat cos i really need someone to listen to me. But when im with you, i didn't even care him didn't even borther to entertain him i just told him say im busy cannot call him. Haha so proud of myself ~_~.And than another guy pop out and keep asking me to go clubbing =-=. Dumb much. Sometimes im really irritated with myself that i pinch myself. Anyways, the blue black all gone aready la so its ok. Fucking stupid of me. I feel like a failer in love. I feel that i can't help you when you are sad i really want to be by your side to help you to go throught together with you whatever your going through with.Im also dam afraid that carrie will be able to make the two of us break up. Hias so many worries. I know what i need to change now, and i will change it. AHHH Shut my gap fucking idiotic me. Nb feel like diying :{ I still love you. I will always be there for you when you need me. For now, i will just let you cool down and wait for you to talk to me when you want to. I need to remind myself of that. Joey Lee Yi Xin You must remember to stay strong! Don't break down so easily.

♥|~yixin~|♥

Lost.